Celebrity DEATH WATCH UPDATE: Don't do it Britney!

Britney, Winehouse... Freddie Starr

Already this year has thrown up a couple of celebrity deaths that no one could see coming - who would have thought we'd be celebrating Valentine's Day without the prospect of running into Beadle or Ledger in the queue for the local Italian? Not us. But, even so, a few big names are still firmly in the running to meet with an early grave.

Britney Spears (5/4)
Ah, the days when she would just flash her strange vagina and pay unnecessary visits to the hairdressers seem so sweet and innocent compared to the new barking maniac that Britney - the Judy Garland (barbiturates overdose, 1969) for her generation - has become. Now dividing her time between weeping at the roadside and playing host to visiting ambulances, she appears to only have one friend - a petrified mini-dog which she takes wherever she goes. Nestled in her drug addled arms the little hound has eyes that have seen too much and want nothing more than a quick death. Unfortunately, as things stand, the pet looks likely to outlive its owner. Garland’s Wizard of Oz co-star Ray Bolger noted that the former child actress “just plain wore out”. Britney's old colleagues presumably find her equally worn out/bananas.

Amy Winehouse (5/2)
Now chuffing heavily from the world's most overused crackpipe, even her embarrassing mess of a husband thinks she's an embarrassing mess. His prediction is that she'll be a goner within three months. In which time, she should have bagged a Grammy, a Brit, and another crunchy mountain of crack. As things stand she looks most likely for some kind of Sid Vicious (1979)/ Janis Joplin (1970) drug-infused misadventure.

Freddie Starr (3/1)
For fans of Freddie Starr, the recent episode of Wife Swap - showcasing his glorious line in passive aggressive behaviour towards a perfectly likable former glamour model - made for depressing viewing. Either smoking, in bed, or teaching baby Ebony to blow spilt ash off his coffee table, it looks like it's only a matter of time before he wanders slowly into a nearby field and stabs himself in the brain to get out of doing the washing up.